Building Trust in a Relationship: 5 Strategies for a Trustworthy and Loving Connection

Trust is the backbone of a successful and loving relationship. It's a bonding agent that keeps couples connected, allowing them to navigate challenges and grow together. Creating a solid foundation of trust in your relationship is how you engage in conflict and arguing without inflicting emotional harm.

Well-timed repairs, genuine apologies, mutual respect, and considering your partner's feelings reduce psychological and emotional stress within the relationship. You can "lower the heat" when necessary. 

You want to feel comfortable expressing your concerns and feelings. So does your partner. Here are 5 strategies to help you achieve that.

Take Accountability

It would help if you didn't underestimate the impact of accountability. Taking accountability in your relationship communicates your partner can rely on you to put forth the effort to be a better partner. Yes, even when it's hard, take responsibility for your actions and their consequences.

Yes, you're going to fall short of expectations. Acknowledge when it happens. Then, start reflecting on your actions and making positive changes. 

Taking ownership of your behaviors rather than deflecting the blame and making excuses creates an environment of trust. It also shows that you understand your actions' impact on your partner and the hurt you caused. 

Accountability is an ongoing commitment. Showing up when you said, following through on what you promised, and practicing self-awareness demonstrates respect and consideration for the relationship.

Consistency and Reliability 

Being dependable and following through on your commitments is not for the faint of heart, but trust flourishes in your consistency and reliability. Your partner needs to know that you're trying. You don't want them second-guessing you. 

As soon as they're asked, without thinking, the answer should be, "Yes, my partner is consistent. And Yes, they're reliable."

Showing up in good times and bad times, being kind when you're upset with each other, being a supportive presence and voice, participating in working on the relationship, and consistently being honest about how you feel provides a sense of stability.  

Honesty and Transparency

Cultivating a culture of transparency and honesty in the relationship means being truthful, even when it's complicated. It reinforces a culture of safety, allowing each of you to feel valued. 

Hiding information and keeping secrets erodes trust, scars the relationship, and impresses a mark on your partner, influencing them to second-guess your behaviors and what you're telling them. It's not worth the damage it causes.

This applies to emotional honesty, as well. When your partner asks, "What's wrong," and you respond, "Nothing," is an example. 

Think about what's happening there. Your partner may notice or sense something is off, maybe based on a feeling or something in your body language or tone. Before responding, "Nothing," emotionally check in with yourself.

"Am I feeling a certain way about something? Do I know what that feeling is? Was my tone off? Am I bothered, upset, stressed…?"

Checking in with yourself helps you pinpoint what may be happening. An emotionally honest response may be, "Yeah, I'm feeling something, but I don't know what it is right now." By doing this, you're not only being honest with yourself but also validating their sense that something is off. 

Trust grows from being emotionally honest. 

Genuine Apology

Saying, "I'm sorry," is important. It can also be used as a way to "quickly get past" a partner's hurt. A genuine apology goes beyond the acknowledgment of wrongdoing. 

Understanding the impact of your actions on your partner, empathizing with their feelings, and expressing regret for the hurt you caused clearly communicates your willingness to repair the trust. It's also an invitation to reconnect. 

Until your partner sees that you genuinely recognize their pain, they won't be able to let it go. How can they? If you don't know how you've hurt them, it will be hard for them to trust that you won't do it again. 

Below is an outline based on Sue Johnson's book "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" for consideration when apologizing.

• Make it clear you care about your partner's pain.

• Explicitly tell them their hurt and anger are legitimate.

• Own up to precisely what you did that was so hurtful. 

• Express regret and disappointment in your behavior.

• Reassure them that you will willingly participate in the healing process.

Expressing your commitment to growth and positive change comes after a reflective, genuine apology. Articulating a plan to prevent similar incidents in the future is a part of this process.

Simply saying "I'm sorry" isn't enough when you've caused significant hurt. A genuine apology requires a willingness to reflect on your behaviors and patience when hearing your partner share their pain. 

Depending on the depth of the hurt, rebuilding trust may take a while. But that's okay; you're taking the necessary steps to create lasting change.

Build Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is established by creating meaningful connection and a comfortable space to express emotions, vulnerabilities, and innermost thoughts. For many couples, this means learning and relearning their partner and being willing to explore their feelings and motives.

Building emotional intimacy is intentional and, at times, an improvisation.

What do I mean? Sometimes, you must access your deeper emotion(s) and express them to your partner. "I was angry about the way you spoke to me at dinner. But as I thought about it more, I realized how embarrassing that was for me. I'm still shocked that you would speak that way to someone you say you care about."

The deeper emotions are the hardest to locate. But when you take time to find them, you avoid minimizing and avoiding them. It may feel foreign, but it's a step towards emotional honesty.

It goes without saying that your partner has a responsibility to attend to those deeper feelings. Learning about the hurt, genuinely understanding it, and caring about the embarrassment and shock generates a safe emotional connection and builds emotional intimacy.

Final Thought on Building Trust in Your Relationship

A relationship improves with trust. The above strategies will help create and maintain trust and confidence in your partner and the relationship. 

Openly sharing emotions, taking responsibility for your actions, caring about your partner's hurt, and consistently showing up in the ways you've committed build a strong foundation of trust.